For four years now, ‘Cali with the Amazon’ has been changing the way calisthenics is being taught. From rigid and exclusive methods, almost designed to keep people away and harder skills out of reach, to supportive and inclusive sessions, breaking down movements into smaller elements that make the sport less intimidating and more accessible. Things have been looking up for all these years.
But one big issue remains.
The spaces that we visit are still not fully welcoming and safe from judgment. I was reminded of this just two days ago as I was subjected to the anger of yet another territorial male in my favourite calisthenics park. The gentleman in question asked for room to be made for him at the station we were using and added with a smile: “or I will be annoying and have to push you out”. At its core, the request for sharing space was perfectly reasonable, yet the delivery was way off. What he really meant was: “I will get my way.” As I was moving my things, I pointed out that this individual has a habit of not asking to use equipment whenever he’s around. In one breath, he called me ‘aggressive’, uttered the famous phrase: ‘it was just a joke’ and ironically told me to ‘read the rules’ on how the shared space is operated. Since I didn’t agree with his approach to the situation, he threw a tantrum.
I stood there and smiled in bittersweet irony as I witnessed this man losing his temper in a mere minute. He was so angry with his veins popping on his chest and neck as he was hurling abuse at me in the form of expletives. He then continued to blame me for bringing 20-strong groups of women into the park (the biggest group in 2022 was 15), for ‘taking over’ the space (it’s a big park) and claimed that nobody there likes me. At this point I really had to hold laughter back.
Despite his in-my-face finger wagging and aggression, I wasn’t intimidated nor was I angry. I had been there before, this was not my first rodeo and I felt perfectly confident if not weirdly triumphant that me standing up for myself had triggered something in this insecure male. This incident was, in fact, the third of its kind and reminded me that the job in making space for women in calisthenics – or any other sport or industry – is nowhere near complete.
The very first confrontation in 2019 surprised me as I learned that women were only accepted in male dominated spaces as long as we didn’t cause a fuss. It all started with me pointing out a common fallacy in a male trainer’s statement about one of the more complicated skills. That day I stood my ground as this man verbally abused me in our shared space with many familiar faces looking on and doing nothing. To add insult to injury, someone said I improved the view as if this was my best contribution to the park and sport. From there grew my desire to put an end to assumptions and unfairness within the sport and it all started my thought process that eventually lead to the creation of ‘Cali with the Amazon’.
The second incident took place in 2021 and reminded me that an angry man will resort to intimidation if he doesn’t get his way. As I refused to let a self-proclaimed ‘elite’ athlete talk down to my class or show off in front of them, I was told I was aggressive, that I hate men and that I was training these women to be just like me. (Outspoken? Confident?) This is how deep the insecurity runs in some of us – if you’re not with me, you are against me. As this individual also threatened me in front of my class, I reported the incident to the Metropolitan Police. I was given a case number to quote if any of us were to come into any type of danger in the future. I have never seen this man again.
The third incident on Sunday showed that women are still expected to move out of the way when told, to smile even when wronged and to lighten up immediately when a man decides that his comment was taken the wrong way. There are never any apologies, but forgiveness is always expected. I shall not play any part in perpetuating these old fashioned beliefs.
It’s time for change.
I’d like to invite you all to think about all the times you have heard of women in high places being called the B-word. How many times have you heard assertive and confident women being referred to as aggressive, arrogant or whatnot? Maybe this has even happened to you? “Lighten up!” and “It just was a joke!” are such common microaggressions towards women that we don’t necessarily even notice these anymore. What’s worse, the misogyny runs so deep in some of us that you’ll even have women defending men in such situations.
And it’s never the incident itself that’s the problem, but it’s what follows. The self-doubt, the need to please, not wanting to stand out for the wrong reasons etc. Why? Because society has made us this way. Sit pretty, smile, don’t interrupt, don’t show you know more than what you’ve been asked about etc. Aren’t you tired of all this? I know I am.
So, to all the women who have ever been called ‘bossy’, ‘aggressive’ or something far worse – I am sorry. I’m sorry that they tried to make you doubt your skills and your power. They are simply not accustomed to it but this is not your burden to carry. Stay polite but be firm and don’t let them make you ‘less’. Do not let any hesitation enter your mind about your right to be where you are and to do what you are doing. It is also not your responsibility to change the message for those who are intent on mishearing everything you have to say. Spread the word and let every girl and woman know that they have the right to take up space with confidence, to stand tall and go after their dreams and goals.
And to all the men who step up and speak out in unfair situations without the need to be prompted – we thank you. It is your confidence that silences others’ insecurities. There is space here for us all and we can coexist and create wonderful things together. We are not after others’ spaces, we are here to walk our own paths.
And for everybody else, I’d like to wish you all the confidence in the world. I hope you find happiness and purpose in something that sets your soul on fire and that you’ll be too busy building your own life that you have no time or desire to tear others down.
Much love,
Rahel xx
RAHEL THE AMAZON 